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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Friday, February 10, 2006 6:22 AM
i really hate the feeling. the feeling when someone special to you tell you that he/she is going to leave you and yet you cannot do anything. i believed that the feeling will be worst if he/she was to leave quietly without letting you know. now i'm deciding whether to go to school. seriously, i've got no mood. not because i'm tired of what, just because of what happened yesterday. just one incident, it made me go bonkas.

after saying so many times of leaving, i believe that yesterday was the last one you will say. i tried not to do anything, but i cannot stop thinking of anything. on the way home yesterday, i was thinking, what if on the 14/02, i really got the courage. will you allow me to do so? but again, you said you will leave me by then. you saw another world of me yesterday when you rejected me. this is how i am, when i'm sad. when i'm at loss. that's why, i told you not to force yourself. though i may not be willing to let you go, so what if i can make you stay? i cannot make your heart stay at all. don't worry too much. i will try not to cry, i will try not to get into depression. SORRY TO MAKE YOU SHED THE TEARS THAT AREN'T WORTH. this is not sweet talk. this is from the bottom of my heart. if you think you can let go, by all means then. because i failed to make your heart stay. but as i promised, i will be following behind you. I MEAN IT.

this week, i have not been online and chatting with people. not because i'm studying. but because i want to spend time with someone. in the end, i still get hurt. thank you for the happy time. don't think i will be going to your house again. bahs. yesterday was a bad ending. a very very bad ending. that i never allowed it to happen before, but because it was you. i allow it. sigh. today i won't be online too. and if you do not want to reply my message, i just want to say, i'm worried about you. i cannot stop this worrying.

please, take care of yourself. don't let him affect you. studies is more important than him. i think that he needs time bahs. allow your smile to come back. not to show other people that you are happy, but to really be happy from the bottom of your heart.